Living on a farm or homestead offers some very unique experiences that you won’t necessarily find in other living situations. Some are charming and endearing and some are just downright perplexing. When you ask somebody to describe a typical homestead or farm, the answer will involve things like white fluffy sheep grazing in the beautiful green grass, chicken happily scratching in the dirt, a red barn, maybe a cabin in the woods, clothes drying on a line, or a hayloft full of hay.  Most answers are similar and involve that picturesque lifestyle where everyone is happy in their sunny perfect yard.

Now in some ways, I have found this ideal lifestyle, I have baby lambs frolicking in my fields, and chickens happily scratching away in the yard (of course the dirt they are scratching in is my flower bed). Some of my other favorite ideal homesteading experiences also include: fresh picked food from the garden, the fact that the sky is bluer over my house than anywhere else, the smell of the first campfire of the season, that special moment when you harvest the first vegetables of the season, a summer bonfire with friends, food, and music, and the first snowfall of winter with you and your loved ones cuddled up on the couch with a good book with a fire burning. Life is never that simple or calm, and you take the good with the weird.

 

 

 

When company, family or friends come to visit they are curious about our homestead and our lifestyle. One question we get asked often about is about the train that we can see from our house; the railroad is across our field, across the creek, across the road and at the base of a canyon wall. It’s not very close but we can see it as it ambles its way up the mountain pass. People often ask if it bothers us that the train is there and it always takes me by surprise for a moment. The train is just a small part of what makes my homestead unique.Then I remember that the train is a tangible and observable part of our farm, most people are not here to witness the turning of the seasons or the animal ‘occurrences’ that happen often and without warning.

 

The ultimate goal of farming is not the growing of crops, but the cultivation and perfection of human beings.

~Masanobu Fukuoka

 

The turning of the seasons presents a rhythm and a song that never fails to delight, even if some of those experiences are just natures way of keeping me humble. So when friends and family ask us about the train, I answer them, but I also tell them about life on our farm, the quirky, the crazy, and the beautiful. So here are a few favorite pieces of wisdom and knowledge that we have put together to share with friends and family.

Wild Animals

 

50 wild freeloader turkeys will loudly wake you up at 5:30 am by gobbling excitedly outside your window. When you go outside to chase them away, they rudely chase you back.

Deer are not friendly sweet woodland creatures, they are really voracious #@!**# who will destroy everything you worked for in the last 5 months in just under an hour and then will consider stomping your dogs for good measure.

Magpies hate black and white cats, and if you happen to be a black and white cat, the barn is the only safe place for the entire summer.

Bluebirds are like angry little dogs, they will attack a car or truck mirror all summer long while simultaneously pooping on them!

If a fox (insert predator of choice here) eats a chicken, it will not be the mean rooster that stalks you every day in the yard waiting for you to turn your back, but instead, it will always be your daughters favorite best friend chicken whose name is Susan and not inconsequentially your best layer!

On April 1st I always put out the hummingbird feeders, even though they never show up until April 15th.

 

The Natural Order of Homesteading

 

 

Its completely against the laws of nature to have things tidy on the farm, for instance, if you spend a moment feeling proud of your lovely yard, the universe will strike you down and send in a rampaging pack of goats to set things right.

If I am late for an appointment I will get stuck behind the slowest tractor EVERY SINGLE TIME!

You will always have a neighbor who is over 70 years old and questions everything you do in an obviously helpful way of course.

Did you know that your kids will always use your good kitchen storage containers for bugs? Never the ratty ones on the same shelf, because it turns out bugs want a pretty new home, not the ugly one.

If you hatch out baby chicks, 95% will be roosters, I think that percentage is based on scientific data.

When you find a fallen cottonwood tree in the spring look for oyster mushrooms. Of course, its a bummer when that cottonwood tree fell on your greenhouse, but hey it had oyster mushrooms on it!

If I wash my dog he will role in a smelly pile of something 10 minutes later.

Homesteading Mysteries        

 

 

Baby turkeys are suicidal (the cute heirloom ones that you spent way too much on). The minute you let them out of the brooder, they will find a water source and drown themselves. It doesn’t matter if its the goat’s water bucket behind the barn, clear on the other side of the property and they have to jump up 3 feet, they will drown themselves.

When ducks chase you they just want to nibble your toes, so don’t run and all will be well.

A rooster will only attack you when it thinks you are not watching so never turn your back, either that, start carrying a large broom.

Don’t worry if your child eats a few worms that are on the sidewalk, Google says its just extra protein.

Did you know people used to bury their garbage back in the day? Well if you dig anywhere you will inevitably dig up old farm implements that could give you a sweet case of tetanus.

Did you know a chicken can swallow a snake whole? Yep, it’s true, little dinosaurs live in your backyard.

Goats don’t actually eat tin cans but they will eat your absolutely favorite rose that you have been babying for three years.

You know that old wives tale about washing your dog in tomato juice after it has been sprayed by a skunk? Whoever started that rumor had a great laugh at the gullible newbie homesteaders expense. Not that I would know of course.

Turns out chickens eat dog poop and then you eat the eggs. Not sure what I think about that efficient cycle and ‘you are what you eat’ takes on a whole new meaning.

 

 

 

If you would have told me 10 years ago that this would be my life on a homestead I wouldn’t have believed you. But, I love my life, the strange, the unusual, the normal, and ideal, all of it is my homestead and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.